1. DIE SQUIRRELS!

That is Afrikaan for “the squirrel.”

People are still talking/or we’re just running letters about the fact I used the phrase “fried squirrel” to describe a CL&P substation vs. squirrel incident in Danbury a few weeks back.

No one seems to remember I also described squirrels as “our furry friends.”

The “how to describe dead squirrel debate” landed on Fark.com, which is why a letter on the subject is currently the most read story on NewsTimes.com. I’m happy to say most Fark readers are OK with my description, so I got that goin’ for me (a ConnPost.com story also made Fark today, so I’m guessing an employee either here or in Bridgeport is Farking crazy).

2. “Twilight” Sucks

Unfortunately, pre-teens all over the U.S. are celebrating some PG-13 limp vampire flick. Fathers across the country, please run out and rent a late 80s flick called “Near Dark.”

Like “Twilight,” it’s about young vampire love, but with Lance Henrickson, Bill Pullman and a lot of throat slashing. Here’s the darn trailer:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5K-wosw0i4%5D

3. “Too Fat to Fish” is Hilarious

Here is a review of Artie Lange’s book “Too Fat to Fish.” I liked the book, but as I was writing my review, I wrote myself into a corner and somehow the review turned negative — so I didn’t finish.

Here it is:

Last week I finished my copy of Artie Lange’s “Too Fat To Fish,” the NY Times no. 1 bestseller.

That’s right, a book authored by a fat, ex-junkie whore-mongerer is the bestselling nonfiction book in the U.S.

Check this out:

Oh wait, the photo uploader no longer works.

Anyway, click here to see a sweet pic of “Too Fat To Fish” on the bestseller list.

The book has two underlying themes. First, it’s a loving tribute to Artie’s parents, especially his dad, who infamously fell off a roof when Artie was 18 and then died a few years later.

That experience, according to Artie, fuels Artie’s massive substance abuse problems, which are chronicled in the rest of the memoir.

The book is, essentially,  a drunkalogue, with Artie sharing a ton of funny stories you’ve undoubtedly heard before if you’re a Sirius subscriber.

There’s Artie’s high-on-coke-while-wearing-a-pigsuit-while-on-MadTV story.

There’s Artie’s I-almost-robbed-a-bank-to-impress-a-chick story.

There’s Artie’s An-Italian-deli-dude-wouldn’t-sell-me-an-egg-sandwich-a-dumb-Irish-guy-wanted story.

They are funny, semi-tragic stories. Artie’s appeal isn’t as a stand-up or as a comedic actor (although, from the way he boasts, he seems to think it is).