SATURDAY NIGHTMARES, MARCH 19

I was going to call this post “My Dead Blog.”

I don’t blog anymore, as my tens of readers in the last six months have noticed.

I blame Facebook and Twitter.  It’s so much easier to throw random statements out there. There’s no thought required. No need for structure, context, supporting arguments, let alone spelling.

It’s as if your eleventh grade English composition class revolted and cannibalized the teacher.

Also, I’m locked in antitrust litigation with Light & Dark Productions. Counsel has advised me not to comment and to limit posts, for obvious legal reasons.

Myself and a few buddies are attending Saturday Nightmares Friday (March 19) in Jersey City, N.J.

I will make myself sound more important than I am by stating that my buddies include the two guys from G&S Effects, the outfit that did the gore gags for “I Sell the Dead” and the upcoming “Stake Land.”

Glen Baisley, the executive director of Light & Dark Productions, claims to be attending, which could be awkward.

We’ll put aside our differing opinions as to whether Glen tried to kill me, because Saturday Nightmares is, essentially, a George Romero convention.

And if a George Romero convention can’t bring peace between two combatants, well then, let’s just call it a day.

Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” screens late Saturday night at the convention.

We’re psyched, because “Dawn” is one of the top ten greatest flicks of all time. It’s Saturday morning, too early to run my complete top ten, but I’d rank “Dawn” toward to bottom of my top ten. Flicks ranking higher include “The Wild Bunch,” “Goodfellas,” “Boogie Nights,” and, possibly, “The Quiet Man.”

Romero and much of the cast from “Dawn” will be appearing at a panel discussion of the film at 6:30 p.m. Saturday.

(Sorry about the multiple Saturday references up there. You’re probably confused right now)

Ok, now to the point of this blog post (for those keeping track at home, this is called “burying the lede.” This is what happens when no one edits your copy).

SATURDAY NIGHTMARES IS MAKING ME NERVOUS.

I’ve attended many “Fangoria Weekend of Horror” conventions, dating back to 1989 or so. The con is dead — at least the New York City version as Fango, the print publication, undergoes a change in leadership.

SCREW TEAM COCO. I'M WITH TEAM TIMPONE.

I hate that there’s no NYC-area Fango con this year, because I was about 15 at my first Fango con. I’m 36 now. A part of my childhood died!

I’ve attended a few “Chiller” conventions in New Jersey, the last being April 2009. We had about six guys in a room that opened to a court yard. We didn’t sleep, naturally, and decided to retire from the Chiller scene because:

1. We’d never be able to top meeting the Iron Sheik

2. Chiller and/or the hotel forces you to book a room for the duration of the convention. You are not allowed to choose which nights to go. I booked my room with Hilton Parsippany in 2009 — but was never told I had booked two nights. I had requested one night. Despite my complaints to the hotel and to the Better Business Bureau, the hotel would not budge.

A great way to treat customers during the worst economic times since the Great Depression. Screw you, Hilton Parsippany.

I ended up using a relative’s points to get a free room for the weekend.

Again, screw you, Hilton Parsippany.

3. After the April 2009 show, Chiller inexplicably turned into a Betty White convention. Betty White is cute and all, but shut up already, people.

CRAP, I’VE LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT

God, how I hate this blog.

Screw Betty White.

OK, the thing about Saturday Nightmares — it’s the first one.

My fear — this will be an over-crowded con and getting a seat somewhere in the 1,600-seat Landmark Lowes in Jersey City will be next to impossible.

I’ll state upfront — well, this far down in a post doesn’t really qualify as “upfront” — that my fear is, essentially, fear of the unknown. I hope it proves to be unfounded.

But Saturday Nightmares is marketing the heck out of the event.

I’ve seen full-page ads and they’re Facebook page is crazy busy, totaling some 4,000 fans.

They’re selling “advance” tickets until March 17 — just two days before the convention.

That makes me nervous.

I ordered four tickets for the show on or about Jan. 19. I reserved a room at a Ramada Inn, supposedly a block away, at roughly the same time.

$300, roughly, before I walk in the door makes me feel that I should be guaranteed a seat in one of the many movie screenings.

My fear is that is they’ve sold more tickets then seats, word will spread the days of the convention and people will spend Saturday Nightmares standing on a line to make sure they get a seat for “Dawn of the Dead.”

I refuse to do that — it’s St. Patty’s Day Week, after all.

(FYI: I don’t collect autographs at these conventions and haven’t since Fango in the early 1990s. The horror folks never charged for autographs back then. The Sheik, however . . . obvious exception to my rule)

Saturday Nightmares, through Facebook, has told me the seats are first-come, first-serve. They pointed out the admission price for this gathering is all-inclusive (which I assume means we don’t pay to get into the movies).

The first-come, first-serve response made me more nervous — paranoid, cynical bastard that I am.

Saturday Nightmares then responded with a suggestion — get to each screening 15 minutes early.

Perfectly reasonable suggestion, assuming they didn’t already sell a billion and one tickets.

I have to give Saturday Nightmares credit for their responsiveness.

I once tried to contact Chiller to inquire about press passes. The response was so freakish I can only assume the writer wasn’t directly associated with the production.

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